I did a series of quick watercolours to map my feelings about King Krule, feeling sad and not knowing why and feeling really passive about life. I think I am starting to obsess about things again, mostly (ok entirely) about King Krule. Except when I get obsessed with something its not picturesque and teen feelz like I see on tumblr, I don't make shrines or have pretty glitter and candles. Instead I listen to nothing but his music, consider getting fake id to sneak into one of his shows and then come close to tears when I realize I'm not even going to be in the country when he comes down to play Laneways/do sideshows. I build these really life consuming mental shrines and it makes me sad to think I might never meet him, just to talk to him and see if he's anything like I imagine him to be. Urghhhh whyyyyyyyy anyways here are the paintings I did:
Ps. BEYONCE JUST RELEASED A NEW ALBUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Shakespeare,
Sometimes I wonder why I write letters to you, gosh I probably sound like Kat's crazy friend in 10 things I hate about you. Oh well, I think its interesting to write to you, because your this amazing writer who will always be known and remembered, and I'm a nobody just trying to quietly make my way through life, its a pretty stark contrast. Whatevvsss. It's the holidays now, so I am actually doing things which do not involve wasting away online. I can't really be bothered writing, mostly because I have a lot to write about but haven't yet gotten it all down, urghh anyways I'll just show you some pictures of random stuff I've been doing recently...
I went traipsing through the city the other day with a friend and bought some pretty fab things:
Its a really wonderblime french photography magazine
A french play, in french, which I bought in Fitzroy
I had a major internal struggle as to whether I should get these
My letter from moon magic zine came :)
Ps. I'm a contributor for Moon magic zine now, eep and yay
Ps. I love King Krule, urghh he's coming to play some shows in January and its all 18+, I fucking hate being underage
Dear Shakespeare,
I have exams for school in a few days. Big scary exams which go on report cards and cause me such stress. Except I'm not actually stressing, I'm worryingly apathetic. I hope it changes soon because caring about nothing much doesn't really feel nice. I want to feel obsessed, I want to build shrines to ideas and people and things, but I can't because it feels all wrong, it feels flawed and blind.
Tavi's awesome shrine
I've been seeing a lot of 90's reminiscing online recently, sometimes it can feel like the 90's was the coolest time to have been alive, and yes I was around for the last two or so years but I don't really remember any of it. I can only really appreciate the decade now that I'm older through watching movies like clueless and 10 things I hate about you and listening to bands like Nirvana. But I do remember the 2000's, they were a weird time, it was like the 90's younger sister, the fashion was similar, the toys and games were similar and t.v shows were similar but the 2000's had something that the 90's can never ever ever claim... LIZZIE MCGUIRE.
Yeah that's right Lizzie is from 2001 (sassily snaps fingers in a 'z' formation) Lizzie was probably one of my best friends as a kid, actually she was the older sister I always wanted. Actually dang it I wanted to be Lizzie. Yes she may not have been as cool as Kate but Lizzie was a real teen and all I wanted when I was a kid was to be a part of the teenzz club. I figure the show gave me a really skewed perception of what adolescence would be like in a way that only Disney channel shows can. I am now a teen and I do not have a Gordo and Miranda, where is my Ethan? Why are my clothes not as cool as Lizzie's? Most importantly where is my snarky little cartoon alter ego? Obviously I have failed at being a teenager. No, but seriously Lizzie McGuire understands me far more than my peers and this is obviously due to the spiritual bond we share from the countless years of me watching episode after episode of her navigating through all her teenage troubles. Also Lizzie's fashion is ace, I could go on and on about the awesomeness of her clothes but let's just look at some pictures and feel all nostalgic:
Lizzie feelz me
aren't they the coolest gal pals?
Truly Mary,
Ps. We were totes listening to this in 2000 cos Destiny's child is the coolest
So I suppose I could begin this letter by whining about the urghness of school or apologizing for my lengthy letter writing absence (does that even make sense) but I have something so much cooler to talk about... my interview with the fabaroonie artist Saffa Khan. Which is why I included iced tea in the title, because where I live a good discussion is usually marked by some sort of yummy food and drink and even though I can't talk to her over some afternoon tea I can pretend to do so in a virtual sense (am I just rambling?). Anyways I remember first seeing Saffa's illustrations on the The Le Sigh and marveling at their wonderblime-ness, so being able to ask her some questions about her art and stuffz has been really awesome and I'm sure her interestinganswers make up for my sadly generic questions (all pictures are her art):
If you could be anyone ever, either fictional or real who would you be?
Fast six: summer or winter? Strawberry milk or chocolate milk? Jellies or doc martens? Chocolate or candy? Oil pastel or watercolor? Film photography or digital?
4) Winter, definitely, I'm an Autumn/Winter person. Strawberry milk, always! Hmm, as much as I LOVE my jellies, I'm going to have to go with Doc Martens. Chocolate! I'd have to pick watercolours. I do a lot of film photography & I definitely prefer that to digital
Artsy things
What sort of art mediums do you usually focus on in your works?
1) I am in love with brusho inks, which is what I usually use on my drawings and paintings, with a hint of watercolours & often acrylics. It usually depends on what I am painting, I suppose & when I am feeling quite patient, I dabble with oil paints too, so there isn't really a particular medium that I usually focus on, I like to experiment with different materials and see what I end up with. What inspires you when you are working artistically?
2) Everything in one way or another inspires me. I know this a rather vague answer, but honestly, I cannot simply name a few things, as everything I see, touch, hear, smell always influence my art. When I'm having an artist block, I get ridiculously frustrated, so I turn to my old friends; books; the lives of fictional characters, galleries & films. I talk to people I wouldn't normally talk to, I visit places I normally wouldn't be able to & sometimes, I just stand, whether it's in a middle of a crowd, in a shopping center, on someone's doorstep or beneath a tree.
Are there any recurring themes or ideas in your art which you explore? 3) Most of my work has been inspired by my favourite fictional characters and other art has been based on personal experiences, daily life changes & struggles.
Were you always interested in art? 4) Yes, always. I used to draw & paint on everything when I got my first paint pallet at the age of four, unfortunately, my mother was not impressed with me painting on every wall in the house, as I preferred them to a piece of paper. I loved it, everything about it. I am slightly oblivious with a lot of things when it comes to art & there's a lot that still needs to be learnt. After all these years, I can truly say that art has kept me sane. Do you have a piece/series of your art which you are most proud of? 5) Not really, no. As an artist, I want to do as much as I can & regardless of how much I do, it's never good enough, for me anyway & it's not because I like being harsh on myself, it's because it pushes me to do even more & helps me step out of my comfort zone. There are pieces of photography that I have done, which I have liked, but that is all. Perhaps when I create something that I'm truly proud of & 100% happy with, I shall let you know then.
Do you pre-plan your art a lot or is it based mostly on impulses? 6)I don't often plan my work, no. I'm one of those people who like capturing what they see & wishing they had cameras for eyes. I experiment a lot & that is how I like it anyway, there is no fun in planning & preparing a piece, but there is fun in finding something unexpected & extraordinary as you go a long the way of creating something completely out of the blue. I love this playlist you made HEAPS and the art at the top just made me go woahhh and I was wondering how you made it, I mean materials and techniques wise 7) Aww, I'm really happy that you liked it, it features some of my favourite songs! I did a bit of collaging for its art, where I used a small old map (which almost resembles a brain) so I thought it would hit perfectly well with the theme of utopia & being a part of the perfect imagined world. For the figure, I simply used a felt tip pen & then layered the entire collage onto the photo, which inverted its colours, making it look quite dreamy, but slightly melancholic
This is the collage I'm talking about
She is the coolest cat and such a lovely and nice and beautiful person and such a talented babe. This is only some of her super wonderblime, fabaroonie, beautiful, amazing, afhbwlfb art and y'all should check out her tumblr and be amazed by her stuff
Truly Mary,
P.s The song for this letter is Beach Rats by the growlers, I got really anxious in an English SAC a few days ago and didn't write anything cos my hands were shaking and I may have failed but afterwards I listened to this song and I just felt so calm and relaxed (sorry if this sounds stupid or something)
Urghhh I don't know how to start this letter to you,
beginnings are always the hardest thing. Sometimes I try
to personify school, when I write angsty poems on the train at the end of term, but if I actually think really hard
about the sort of person school would be I'm not all that sure. Maybe a family
friend, the nice yet notoriously gossipy type you see all the time and don't
have much in common with but still don't mind. I don't know, I mean sometimes I
genuinely enjoy school and learning but it can also feel overwhelming and
anxiety inducing. All the superficial socialising and the false fronts really
wear me down and disgust me after a
while but I guess I'm part of it too, and perhaps that makes it worse. But I
don't hate school, despite my melodramatic declarations otherwise, it just
seems like a soupy experience, all the good and bad things mushed together like
undercooked carrots and noodles. Anyways what am I even saying? And why am I
comparing my school experiences to raw carrots? Hmm at any rate what I really
wanted to talk to you about was HAIR. I
spent most of my classes today having in depth discussions with friends over
dying hair, toner, hair inspiration, bleach etc. All I really want is to have
fantastic aqua/teal/purple/pine green/any awesome colour hair so in honour of
my desperation I have attached several photos of hair I deeply admire.
Oh also just
sayin all images are sourced from tumblr. I couldn't track the original sources
of the images because I saved them onto my laptop ages ago into a folder titled
"Hairrrrrrr" but if anyone
sees a photo of theirs which I have used and would like me to acknowledge
them/take it down just let moi know.
yeye for Enid Coleslaw
Truly Mary,
Ps. I'm going to see art by Kate Price this weekend! Yayyyy
Pps. I really need to go op/thrift shopping. It has reached a level of physical longing-y type pain, I haven't been in weeks and I really just need to go and buy some lacy granny shirts and plaid miniskirts and urghhh I just wanna get pretty and cheap clothes
[Cue
angsty, feelings-y paragraph where I talk about emotions, eww]
The problem I am referring to is that my
emotions seem to be greatly affected by the reactions and comments of those
around me. How problematic is this? It means that how I feel is left to the mercy
of those judging me. And people can be mean. Where is my ownership over myself?
My opinions on me should matter the most because I am
the one who lives with myself every day, who drags my tired body out of bed
when it’s still dark outside to get ready for another day at school. Other
people will forget me over time but I can’t forget myself. I don’t know why
I care so much about what people say or think about me, it’s terrible and
leaves my self-confidence scarily low. Is everyone like this? Sometimes people tell me to “stop
caring” as if it’s the easiest thing in the world and the only reason why
I haven’t done so is due to reluctance. When someone says that it fucking
annoys me. If adopting a “don’t give a damn” attitude was as easy as
dressing like Bender in the Breakfast Club I would have already done so, down
to his little gold hoop earring.
[end feelings-y
paragraph]
I have more to say but
I’ve confused myself, I just needed a mini rant on this topic, maybe soon I’ll
write a proper and structured letter to you detailing my worries on the
external dependency of my emotions. Until then, URGHHH
Truly Mary,
Ps. I am in HAIR HELL at the moment, a hairdresser cut me a front fringe without me asking and then charged me extra! My hair is super curly so it never stays proper and it makes me cry because I love fringes but it looks absolutely terrible on me :(
Pps. I was going to make the song for this letter No intention by Dirty Projectors but I think we need some Beyonce girl love
I'm on the hunt for the perfect tutu, it ought to make
me feel like a fairy princess and extend to my ankles in a series of multi-coloured pastel tulle layers. Sadly I have no clue where to buy
one, currently it only exists in my dreams where I am dressed like the human embodiment of a sprinkly pink donut, I've tried scouring the children's section of opshops, etsy, ebay urghhh all to
no avail! Do you know where I could get one Shakespeare?
The holidays were both long and short, I guess they
feel short now that they're almost over. I had this massive list of things I
wanted to do over the break and I tried but I feel that most of my time was
spent in daggy yet comfortable pyjamas on the internet watching The Royal
Tenenbaums or blasting Come on Eileen
whilst jumping around in a series of mad movements I call dancing. I suppose my list was idealistic but I'll
leave it up to you to decide… anyhow here it is:
·Work on zine
with the lovely Tessa
·Pretend to be a
princess living in a candy pastel world
·Go opshopping
·Buy kitschy
room deco
·Make a theme
journal and a journal of interesting information
·Make a
marshmallow and ice cream soup
·Take a
dressmaking class
·Shoot some
photo-sets
·Read lotssss
·Spend time
people/life watching
·Write poetry
·Read philosophy
concerned with existentialism
·Go see art by
Kate Price
I planned it all out and it gave me the illusion of
structure but it didn't really work out all that neatly; I shot a mini photo
set with a friend which I'm waiting to get developed, went op-shopping and realised I have terrible grandma-y taste
in clothes but absolutely love it and I did some of the other things in small
ways. However I didn't finish my small heap of holiday homework meaning I am
doomed (said in a ghost voice and pronounced doooooooomed), instead I lazed
around and I tried using photoshop for the first time to create a collage
This is how it turned out, what do you think? It's Tim Burton imagining different landscapes and just to clarify they are totally moths and not butterflies coming out of his head. I have lots more to talk about with you photo set ideas, zine ideas, style influences, interesting word lists urghh but I have an 1,000 word essay due tomorrow which I haven't finished and I'm over writing because all my paragraphs are 350 words when they should be 250 but it's all just utter bullshit
Truly Mary,
P.s the song for this letter is my holiday song and a song I sincerely believe they should have played at my school formal to make everything perfect and amazing. I love it soo much!
I'm turning a great big glittering 16 in two weeks; the
orange pop fizzing longing I once felt
for my birthday when I was younger seems to have disappeared. It's like Christmas once I learned that
Santa didn't really live in the north pole with a magical factory and was
actually my parents tiptoeing 'round the house once I had gone to sleep. Though
the logical part of me understands this I desperately cling to the idea of
never growing old, I still try to fool myself into believing in Santa and his
reindeer, juvenile as it sounds. The idea of growing up frightens me because I
feel like once I get older I will lose the ability to dream and imagine
and desperately want rainbow hair. I'll become dull and dry as a piece of plain
wholemeal toast. I worry that as I get older the strength of my feelings
will wane, that once I become a proper adult everything will be a muted palette
of pastel emotions. For some reason I've always thought this way, as a child I
dreaded the thought of becoming a teenager, of getting closer to adulthood. When
I watched the film Peter Pan for the first time when I was five I
sobbed inconsolably at the end. Because
Peter had never chosen to save me and
take to Neverland and become his best friend and partner in mischief. Instead
he'd taken an unthankful Wendy and
she left him, she left it all to grow up into a "lady" until she
could no longer remember Neverland. It makes me really sad, even now, to think
that as she got older she forgot. I'm being forced to grow up, in both a
physical and emotional sense, I'm no longer a child yet neither an adult.
Everyone around me is getting older,
playing dressups as they navigate through adult thoughts and troubles, and I can either stay behind all on my own or go along and see what
happens.
I saw this shirt online a while back, I think it really addresses my
current emotional state. It was designed by Jeremy Scott. If you find
yourself bored and floating through the multiple dimensions of the internet
which surely exist, check his stuff out
In entirely unrelated matters I'd like to show you some of my recent attempts at watercolors and other things...
Sorry for the terrible Iphone quality of the pictures, they are inspired by different things which I may expand on at a later date when I'm not wheezing over my keyboard due to an awful cold. Alas,what do You think Shakespeare? Utterly terrible, probably. How are you? I tend to babble about myself in a narcissistic fashion quite a lot. I haven't forgotten about you though
Truly Mary,
P.s I was thinking of doing a photoset with a friend that describes my feelings about turning 16. I'll show you soon and explain it all. Or maybe I'l send you a list of different photo-set ideas I've had P.p.s Discovery is the lovechild of Vampire Weekend and Ra Ra Riot and I love it a lot! This is one of their songs
I feel as
if I will never have the exact words to describe the way in which I felt, or
the depth of my experiences a few Friday's ago. I went to see Tavi Gevinson
give a talk. I don't mean it in a
fangirl consumed by obsession sort of way (maybe a little bit). Mostly it was
one of the rare moments in my life where I felt entirely within the present
moment, for the first time I was able to understand what all the weird
spiritual guru's were trying to say. My
mom plays their cd's in the car almost every day, sometimes to achieve a
"soothing effect" chirping dolphin noises accompany their dulcet
tones. I was always cynical of what they said, how they preached the present
moment in a cult-like manner. But I think I understand now, I just wonder
whether they do.
Her talk
felt so honest, so real and full of brilliance. I still haven't quite finished
processing and interpreting what she said. I feel like I could give you a
recount of each thing she spoke about, but Shakespeare I won't.
There are videos of it online, I would somehow manage to dry out and
dull her words. She made me feel an overwhelming urge to try though, to try
whatever without crippling expectations. I suffer from the fear, sometimes it
gets so bad that I don't do anything at all, just give up and sleep or
sometimes cry. I feel as if it's unwarranted though. I don’t have a specific reason to be sad, it makes me feel self
absorbed and bratty. Do you understand?
She
talked about her obsessive journaling, how each time she began a new journal
she adopted a new aesthetic, a new handwriting, way of dressing, a new way of
living. She said it was to make the nostalgia extra good. It got me thinking,
on my fixation with nostalgia and the past, how reality changes in my head so
that the past seems so much better than the present could ever offer me.
Wouldn't it be interesting to make a sculpture representing the actuality of an event, all smooth and straight lines, and
then contrast it with another sculpture representing the warped way in which I interpret the event
once it has passed, colored by nostalgia and longing.
I hardly
know what I am saying any more, I apologize if this all comes out as an
obscure, sloppy attempt at a letter. Recently I've noticed that I use the word
"attempt" quite frequently. Not because I lack a vocabulary larger
than the word, but because whenever I do something I feel an excessive need to
apologize. I paint a watercolour. I say
I attempted a watercolour, I attempted a poem. I provide a plethora of
excuses as to why it looks or sounds terrible.
I'm so scared of actually trying and then failing. I'm scared of recognizing
the boundaries of my actual abilities and finding out that they don't extend
all that far, that I am helplessly plain, the generic brand at the
supermarket.
Dear Shakespeare, I want to talk to you about seeing Tavi, but for some reason I can't bring myself to write about it yet. Hmmm maybe soon. In fact I really don't have the energy to write much at the moment. I will complain to you for a bit though, seeing as complaining seems to be my only talent.... (watch as I dot point, aint I clever)
My scanner makes everything I do look ugly. Well I guess that assumes my art looks semi decent in the first place, but honestly, it sucks the color out of my pictures and it only fits a4 sheets of paper. Most of my stuff is on A3 sheets of paper or random scraps of stuff I find in my room
People from my school found this (collection of letters). I mean it's weird. One of the reasons why I love the internet (asides from the fact I can find almost anything) is that its such a great place for me to say what I like or post whatever sad attempt at poetry/art/diary writing I am working on. And I don't have to worry about it. Urghhh I give up. Whatever. Nobody has probably actually seen this thing/blog and I am simply overreacting
I am tired all the time. When I wake up it's the worst. I feel more tired that when I first fell asleep. People aggravate me, socializing leaves my head thudding and hurting. Why are people so fake and superficial?
Anways because I am lazy I will just send you some pictures of things I have done-ish, please try not to laugh at their urghhhh-ness
At Tavi's talk It's hard to see my collar or crown but they were really glitzy
So I tried to take a picture of some flowers and this happened
I tried to collage my ticket to Tavi's world
Photo thingy with a friend
Truly Mary,
P.s. I'm working on a drawing/painting of you with new clothes. I figure that you must want to wear something asides from the heavy looking garbs you're always seen in on pictures online.
P.P.S. listen to this fabbity song. Outkast is too gr9
How does it feel to be dead? Does the novelty wear off after the first hundred years or so? Was that an insensitive question? I am soo terribly sorry if it was. I seem to always blather about my inconsequential feelings to you that either make up angsty posts or, quite more often, ripped sheets of paper filled with my blue marker scrawl. Today I will refrain from warbling on about how I feel, it makes me think that I am far too self-absorbed, and I'm not even all that interesting, quite generic. At any rate, Shakespeare, I am EXCITED (oops, that's a feeling). Anyways IM SEEING TAVI GEVINSON TOMORROW!! I won a ticket to attend her keynote after entering a competition on the lovely website birdeemag. I haven't the slightest idea what I shall wear, but I've made myself a junk tiara constructed mainly out of metallic pipe cleaners, Oh, I also made a detachable collar with random splotches of yellow and lots of plastic glitzy stuff I could find. Perhaps I'll send you some pictures of them soon.
My head is aching, truly thumping and moaning, so before I finish this letter in favor of seeking refuge in a corner of the room I wanted to show you some photos. Please don't judge me too harshly, this was the first ever photo-shoot I've done. I'm only a rookie, willing to learn. Alas, here are an assorted few:
I wrote a poem the
other day. Well perhaps not a poem as much as a short jumble of prose. It
was inspired by a group of youths chasing around in the lush green of a creek
behind my house. Alas, this is my attempt at a poem:
To be a
tween
To frolic in neon brights
Heart
set a flutter
At the
sight of a wink or a smile
Set
against the dull glow of a pixelated screen
To be a
tween
Heart so
full with the bittersweet strength of youth
And the
sacred promise of a perfect adolescence
I am
fifteen now
I feel
akin to a downtrodden house mat
What ever
happened to my promise of a perfect adolescence?
Did I
leave it in the washing machine for an
hour too long?
What do you think? Too angsty? Tooo melodramatic? Oh well it's how I felt
+(478x640).jpg)
.jpg "Me at Tavi's talk")
