I can't think of a title so let's pretend I just wrote something witty

Dear Shakespeare,

I'm on the hunt for the perfect tutu, it ought to make me feel like a fairy princess and extend to my ankles in a series of  multi-coloured pastel tulle  layers. Sadly I have no clue where to buy one, currently it only exists in my dreams where I am dressed like the human embodiment of a sprinkly pink donut, I've tried scouring the children's section of opshops, etsy, ebay urghhh all to no avail! Do you know where I could get one Shakespeare?

I start school tomorrow and I don't want to go back, last term was exhausting and stressful and I know every school term could be described by any of those words but the last one was just urghhh! I felt tired every day, could barely handle all the socialising and work and I just felt so overwhelmed and sad and terribly angsty. It felt like something out of a cliché American girly teen movie and I hated that because I guess I thought it made me superficial and shallow and a stereotype.

The holidays were both long and short, I guess they feel short now that they're almost over. I had this massive list of things I wanted to do over the break and I tried but I feel that most of my time was spent in daggy yet comfortable pyjamas on the internet watching The Royal Tenenbaums  or blasting Come on Eileen whilst jumping around in a series of mad movements I call dancing.  I suppose my list was idealistic but I'll leave it up to you to decide… anyhow here it is:

·         Work on zine with the lovely Tessa

·         Pretend to be a princess living in a candy pastel world

·         Go opshopping

·         Buy kitschy room deco

·         Make a theme journal and a journal of interesting information

·         Make a marshmallow and ice cream soup

·         Take a dressmaking class

·         Shoot some photo-sets

·         Read lotssss

·         Spend time people/life watching

·         Write poetry

·         Read philosophy concerned with existentialism

·         Go see art by Kate Price

I planned it all out and it gave me the illusion of structure but it didn't really work out all that neatly; I shot a mini photo set with a friend which I'm waiting to get developed, went op-shopping  and realised I have terrible grandma-y taste in clothes but absolutely love it and I did some of the other things in small ways. However I didn't finish my small heap of holiday homework meaning I am doomed (said in a ghost voice and pronounced doooooooomed), instead I lazed around and I tried using photoshop for the first time to create a collage

 

This is how it turned out, what do you think? It's Tim Burton imagining different landscapes and just to clarify they are totally moths and not butterflies coming out of his head. I have lots more to talk about with you photo set ideas, zine ideas, style influences, interesting word lists urghh but I have an 1,000 word essay due tomorrow which I haven't finished and I'm over writing because all my paragraphs are 350 words when they should be 250 but it's all just utter bullshit 

Truly Mary, 

P.s the song for this letter is my holiday song and a song I sincerely believe they should have played at my school formal to make everything perfect and amazing. I love it soo much!

Growing old is scary

Dear Shakespeare,

I'm turning a great big glittering 16 in two weeks; the orange pop  fizzing longing I once felt for my birthday when I was younger seems to have disappeared.  It's like Christmas once I learned that Santa didn't really live in the north pole with a magical factory and was actually my parents tiptoeing 'round the house once I had gone to sleep. Though the logical part of me understands this I desperately cling to the idea of never growing old, I still try to fool myself into believing in Santa and his reindeer, juvenile as it sounds. The idea of growing up frightens me because I feel like once I get older I will lose the ability to dream and imagine  and desperately want rainbow hair. I'll become dull and dry as a piece of plain wholemeal toast.  I worry that as I get older the strength of my feelings will wane, that once I become a proper adult everything will be a muted palette of pastel emotions. For some reason I've always thought this way, as a child I dreaded the thought of becoming a teenager, of getting closer to adulthood. When I watched the film Peter Pan for the first time when I was five I sobbed inconsolably  at the end. Because Peter had never chosen to  save me and take to Neverland and become his best friend and partner in mischief. Instead he'd taken  an unthankful Wendy  and she left him, she left it all to grow up into a "lady" until she could no longer remember Neverland. It makes me really sad, even now, to think that as she got older she forgot. I'm being forced to grow up, in both a physical and emotional sense, I'm no longer a child yet neither an adult. Everyone around me is getting older,  playing dressups as they navigate through adult thoughts and troubles, and I can either stay behind all on my own or go along and see what happens. 

I saw this shirt online a while back, I think it really addresses my current emotional state.  It was designed by Jeremy Scott. If you find yourself bored and floating through the multiple dimensions of the internet which surely exist, check his stuff out

In  entirely unrelated matters I'd like to show you some of my recent attempts at watercolors and other things...

Sorry for the terrible Iphone quality of the pictures, they are inspired by different things which I may expand on at a later date when I'm not wheezing over my keyboard due to an awful cold. Alas,what do You think Shakespeare? Utterly terrible, probably. How are you? I tend to babble about myself in a narcissistic fashion quite a lot. I haven't forgotten about you though

Truly Mary, 

P.s I was thinking of doing a photoset with a friend that describes my feelings about turning 16. I'll show you soon and explain it all. Or maybe I'l send you a list of different photo-set ideas I've had

P.p.s Discovery is the lovechild of Vampire Weekend and Ra Ra Riot and I love it a lot! This is one of their songs

If you know me from school go away.Now. Close this tab

Dear Shakespeare,
I want to talk to you about seeing Tavi, but for some reason I can't bring myself to write about it yet. Hmmm maybe soon. In fact I really don't have the energy to write much at the moment. I will complain to you for a bit though, seeing as complaining seems to be my only talent.... (watch as I dot point, aint I clever)

• My scanner makes everything I do look ugly. Well I guess that assumes my art looks semi decent in the first place, but honestly, it sucks the color out of my pictures and it only fits a4 sheets of paper. Most of my stuff is on A3 sheets of paper or random scraps of stuff I find in my room 
• People from my school found this (collection of letters). I mean it's weird. One of the reasons why I love the internet (asides from the fact I can find almost anything) is that its such a great place for me to say what I like or post whatever sad attempt at poetry/art/diary writing I am working on. And I don't have to worry about it. Urghhh I give up. Whatever. Nobody has probably actually seen this thing/blog and I am simply overreacting 
• I am tired all the time. When I wake up it's the worst. I feel more tired that when I first fell asleep. People aggravate me, socializing leaves my head thudding and hurting. Why are people so fake and superficial? 

Anways because I am lazy I will just send you some pictures of things I have done-ish, please try not to laugh at their urghhhh-ness

    At Tavi's talk It's hard to see my collar or crown but they were really glitzy

So I tried to take a picture of some flowers and this happened 

                  

I tried to collage my ticket to Tavi's world

           

Photo thingy with a friend

             

Truly Mary, 

P.s. I'm working on a drawing/painting of you with new clothes. I figure that you must want to wear something asides from the heavy looking garbs you're always seen in on pictures online.

P.P.S. listen to this fabbity song. Outkast is too gr9

I'm seeing Tavi on Friday!!

Dear Shakespeare,

 How does it feel to be dead? Does the novelty wear off after the first hundred years or so? Was that an insensitive question? I am soo terribly sorry if it was. I seem to always blather about my inconsequential feelings to you that either make up angsty posts or, quite more often, ripped sheets of paper filled with my blue marker scrawl. Today I will refrain from warbling on about how I feel, it makes me think that I am far too self-absorbed, and I'm not even all that interesting, quite generic. At any rate, Shakespeare, I am EXCITED (oops, that's a feeling). Anyways  IM SEEING TAVI GEVINSON TOMORROW!! I won a ticket to attend her keynote after entering a competition on the lovely website birdeemag. I haven't the slightest idea what I shall wear, but I've made myself a junk tiara constructed mainly out of metallic pipe cleaners, Oh, I also made a detachable collar with random splotches of yellow and lots of plastic glitzy stuff I could find. Perhaps I'll send you some pictures of them soon.

My head is aching, truly thumping and moaning, so before I finish this letter in favor of seeking refuge in a corner of the room I wanted to show you some photos. Please don't judge me too harshly, this was the first ever photo-shoot I've done. I'm only a rookie, willing to learn. Alas, here are an assorted few:

Truly Mary,