Reality isn't a film, or a poem or a song It isn't always cinematic, or romantic, or picturesque Life is sometimes monotonous and grey and moves too slowly and yet too fast. But there are moments, more romantic and real than anything in a film or a poem or a song. Moments we often overlook, forget or dismiss: When laughter becomes a cackle The taste of strawberry ice cream eaten outside in the summer Learning to skateboard at the park with your best friend These moments aren't the same for everyone, There is no universal aesthetically pleasing moment, or one of happiness It cannot be applied to one’s life like an equation in math But these moments are all the same; In isolation they mean nothing Yet the way they make us feel makes reality all the worth living
*This is just a little poem/prose-y thing I wrote yesterday about recent thoughts, idk
Sometimes it’s hard to
see an end to the day in and day out, the waking up at unholy hours of the
morning, grey train rides full of unconcerned people, the constant tiredness,
aching bones, angst, the boredom and the longing. Sometimes it feels like I’m
drowning in the pattern of my life, nothing new happens, what happens tomorrow
is merely a rerun of my yesterday. It’s a feeling of claustrophobia almost;
like I’m stifled and gasping for air. I've always thought that things would get
better as I got older; you know the kinda thing where as you get older you gain
more freedom, responsibility and all that other stuff, you are bound by less
restriction. I don’t know if that’s true anymore, I mean I know it’s true to a
certain extent, in the sort of sense where once you reach eighteen you can go clubbing
and the like. But I don’t mean it like that, I just feel like once I get older
maybe I’ll still wake up at unholy hours of the morning, still take grey train
rides full of unconcerned people, and maybe I’ll grow to like it all. Maybe I’ll
grow used to gasping.
I don’t know what I
want to do after school is over, lots of people I know do. Doctor. Engineer. Lawyer. Psychiatrist. I’m scared that my indecision will fuck me
over, that I’ll end up grey. Everything
I want seems idealistic and related to creative pursuits, and anyways I worry that I’m
not good enough, I just wish that I could want something more “real
life”.
Maybe I’m just feeling
all of this because I wish I was somewhere else, Australia can feel like the
arse end of the world, far away from everywhere
except for New Zealand. I wish I lived in London, I wish I could just go
to a Sub Luna City gig on a Saturday night, or go to Arvida Bystrom’s art
gallery, or see Rejjie Snow live, or take a train to Sweden or Germany to see
my family. I know Australia is incredibly interesting, but it’s so easy to feel
disconnected from the rest of the world, it’s so easy to stay cooped up in suburbia
rather than going out. I guess I’m still feeling passive about life, but now I
feel like to rid that feeling I've got to go far away from here.
More of my paintings 'n' stuff:
this napkin was from a lovely day I had meandering around the city, and invisibly people watching on the lawn of the state library.
I did this painting whilst listening to Loveleen on repeat and it's kinda about it. So I sent a pic of this painting to Rejjie Snow and told him that I paint to his music and then he said (and I quote) "amazing, thank u n I really love ur art" FUCKING REJJIE SNOW REPLIED TO MY MESSAGE, LOOKED AT MY SHITTY PAINTING AND SAID HE LOVED IT. arghhhhhhh he is a total babe
P.s I went to Retrostar's $10 warehouse sale in Brunswick today, it was really fun and I bought a few nice things like:
they were rllyyy comfy couches
Also there was a hello kitty popcorn maker!!!!!
P.p.s I couldn't decide which song to choose for this letter so I've settled on two:
I think I've forgotten how to write, words
no longer flow with a natural rhythm, everything I write is pained and
over-thought and jarring. I haven't written to you in a while, but I'm not
really all that sorry because I didn'thave much to say, I was busy working out how I feel and what I think and
who I am, but I still feel confused and tired, and oddlycontent.
But
I spent a month in Ethiopia over the summer break, being there removed me from
the regularities of my life, especially all the socializing and internet stuffz. When I was there I rarely had internet access and it gave me a
break from all the documenting and recording of social media and blogging, and
the internet in a general sense. Instead of always showing others or telling
others what I thought and what I had done, I experienced things for myself and
I did not later write about the experiences for them to be praised or
critiqued. I'm sorry if I sound cynical, I promise I'm not, but
I think I've undergone a disillusionment with the internet, I've remembered
that life exists outside of it.
I know what I've written isn't much or meaningful, its just blabbery stuff. I'll write more soon, about Ethiopia: I took a lot of photos on my film camera with the objective of trying to capture the beauty and complexity of the country. But also about general preoccupations of my mind. I'm in year 11 now, which seems kinda scary. Also I've been doing more paintings about how I feel, the first one is about discord and stuff the the second is more about everything feeling right and like harmonious and stuffz:
Write to you soon
Ps. sorry for the emotional, disjointed and shitty post
P.P.s the song for this letter is Sunday by Earl Sweatshirt, this is rllyy god rap
I did a series of quick watercolours to map my feelings about King Krule, feeling sad and not knowing why and feeling really passive about life. I think I am starting to obsess about things again, mostly (ok entirely) about King Krule. Except when I get obsessed with something its not picturesque and teen feelz like I see on tumblr, I don't make shrines or have pretty glitter and candles. Instead I listen to nothing but his music, consider getting fake id to sneak into one of his shows and then come close to tears when I realize I'm not even going to be in the country when he comes down to play Laneways/do sideshows. I build these really life consuming mental shrines and it makes me sad to think I might never meet him, just to talk to him and see if he's anything like I imagine him to be. Urghhhh whyyyyyyyy anyways here are the paintings I did:
Ps. BEYONCE JUST RELEASED A NEW ALBUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Shakespeare,
Sometimes I wonder why I write letters to you, gosh I probably sound like Kat's crazy friend in 10 things I hate about you. Oh well, I think its interesting to write to you, because your this amazing writer who will always be known and remembered, and I'm a nobody just trying to quietly make my way through life, its a pretty stark contrast. Whatevvsss. It's the holidays now, so I am actually doing things which do not involve wasting away online. I can't really be bothered writing, mostly because I have a lot to write about but haven't yet gotten it all down, urghh anyways I'll just show you some pictures of random stuff I've been doing recently...
I went traipsing through the city the other day with a friend and bought some pretty fab things:
Its a really wonderblime french photography magazine
A french play, in french, which I bought in Fitzroy
I had a major internal struggle as to whether I should get these
My letter from moon magic zine came :)
Ps. I'm a contributor for Moon magic zine now, eep and yay
Ps. I love King Krule, urghh he's coming to play some shows in January and its all 18+, I fucking hate being underage
Dear Shakespeare,
I have exams for school in a few days. Big scary exams which go on report cards and cause me such stress. Except I'm not actually stressing, I'm worryingly apathetic. I hope it changes soon because caring about nothing much doesn't really feel nice. I want to feel obsessed, I want to build shrines to ideas and people and things, but I can't because it feels all wrong, it feels flawed and blind.
Tavi's awesome shrine
I've been seeing a lot of 90's reminiscing online recently, sometimes it can feel like the 90's was the coolest time to have been alive, and yes I was around for the last two or so years but I don't really remember any of it. I can only really appreciate the decade now that I'm older through watching movies like clueless and 10 things I hate about you and listening to bands like Nirvana. But I do remember the 2000's, they were a weird time, it was like the 90's younger sister, the fashion was similar, the toys and games were similar and t.v shows were similar but the 2000's had something that the 90's can never ever ever claim... LIZZIE MCGUIRE.
Yeah that's right Lizzie is from 2001 (sassily snaps fingers in a 'z' formation) Lizzie was probably one of my best friends as a kid, actually she was the older sister I always wanted. Actually dang it I wanted to be Lizzie. Yes she may not have been as cool as Kate but Lizzie was a real teen and all I wanted when I was a kid was to be a part of the teenzz club. I figure the show gave me a really skewed perception of what adolescence would be like in a way that only Disney channel shows can. I am now a teen and I do not have a Gordo and Miranda, where is my Ethan? Why are my clothes not as cool as Lizzie's? Most importantly where is my snarky little cartoon alter ego? Obviously I have failed at being a teenager. No, but seriously Lizzie McGuire understands me far more than my peers and this is obviously due to the spiritual bond we share from the countless years of me watching episode after episode of her navigating through all her teenage troubles. Also Lizzie's fashion is ace, I could go on and on about the awesomeness of her clothes but let's just look at some pictures and feel all nostalgic:
Lizzie feelz me
aren't they the coolest gal pals?
Truly Mary,
Ps. We were totes listening to this in 2000 cos Destiny's child is the coolest
So I suppose I could begin this letter by whining about the urghness of school or apologizing for my lengthy letter writing absence (does that even make sense) but I have something so much cooler to talk about... my interview with the fabaroonie artist Saffa Khan. Which is why I included iced tea in the title, because where I live a good discussion is usually marked by some sort of yummy food and drink and even though I can't talk to her over some afternoon tea I can pretend to do so in a virtual sense (am I just rambling?). Anyways I remember first seeing Saffa's illustrations on the The Le Sigh and marveling at their wonderblime-ness, so being able to ask her some questions about her art and stuffz has been really awesome and I'm sure her interestinganswers make up for my sadly generic questions (all pictures are her art):
If you could be anyone ever, either fictional or real who would you be?
Fast six: summer or winter? Strawberry milk or chocolate milk? Jellies or doc martens? Chocolate or candy? Oil pastel or watercolor? Film photography or digital?
4) Winter, definitely, I'm an Autumn/Winter person. Strawberry milk, always! Hmm, as much as I LOVE my jellies, I'm going to have to go with Doc Martens. Chocolate! I'd have to pick watercolours. I do a lot of film photography & I definitely prefer that to digital
Artsy things
What sort of art mediums do you usually focus on in your works?
1) I am in love with brusho inks, which is what I usually use on my drawings and paintings, with a hint of watercolours & often acrylics. It usually depends on what I am painting, I suppose & when I am feeling quite patient, I dabble with oil paints too, so there isn't really a particular medium that I usually focus on, I like to experiment with different materials and see what I end up with. What inspires you when you are working artistically?
2) Everything in one way or another inspires me. I know this a rather vague answer, but honestly, I cannot simply name a few things, as everything I see, touch, hear, smell always influence my art. When I'm having an artist block, I get ridiculously frustrated, so I turn to my old friends; books; the lives of fictional characters, galleries & films. I talk to people I wouldn't normally talk to, I visit places I normally wouldn't be able to & sometimes, I just stand, whether it's in a middle of a crowd, in a shopping center, on someone's doorstep or beneath a tree.
Are there any recurring themes or ideas in your art which you explore? 3) Most of my work has been inspired by my favourite fictional characters and other art has been based on personal experiences, daily life changes & struggles.
Were you always interested in art? 4) Yes, always. I used to draw & paint on everything when I got my first paint pallet at the age of four, unfortunately, my mother was not impressed with me painting on every wall in the house, as I preferred them to a piece of paper. I loved it, everything about it. I am slightly oblivious with a lot of things when it comes to art & there's a lot that still needs to be learnt. After all these years, I can truly say that art has kept me sane. Do you have a piece/series of your art which you are most proud of? 5) Not really, no. As an artist, I want to do as much as I can & regardless of how much I do, it's never good enough, for me anyway & it's not because I like being harsh on myself, it's because it pushes me to do even more & helps me step out of my comfort zone. There are pieces of photography that I have done, which I have liked, but that is all. Perhaps when I create something that I'm truly proud of & 100% happy with, I shall let you know then.
Do you pre-plan your art a lot or is it based mostly on impulses? 6)I don't often plan my work, no. I'm one of those people who like capturing what they see & wishing they had cameras for eyes. I experiment a lot & that is how I like it anyway, there is no fun in planning & preparing a piece, but there is fun in finding something unexpected & extraordinary as you go a long the way of creating something completely out of the blue. I love this playlist you made HEAPS and the art at the top just made me go woahhh and I was wondering how you made it, I mean materials and techniques wise 7) Aww, I'm really happy that you liked it, it features some of my favourite songs! I did a bit of collaging for its art, where I used a small old map (which almost resembles a brain) so I thought it would hit perfectly well with the theme of utopia & being a part of the perfect imagined world. For the figure, I simply used a felt tip pen & then layered the entire collage onto the photo, which inverted its colours, making it look quite dreamy, but slightly melancholic
This is the collage I'm talking about
She is the coolest cat and such a lovely and nice and beautiful person and such a talented babe. This is only some of her super wonderblime, fabaroonie, beautiful, amazing, afhbwlfb art and y'all should check out her tumblr and be amazed by her stuff
Truly Mary,
P.s The song for this letter is Beach Rats by the growlers, I got really anxious in an English SAC a few days ago and didn't write anything cos my hands were shaking and I may have failed but afterwards I listened to this song and I just felt so calm and relaxed (sorry if this sounds stupid or something)
